For the girl... That's never masturbated

We’ve all experienced that moment in life, when the conversation turns to sex talk and inevitably, someone brings up masturbation. Now, depending on the circles you roll in, the response to this topic will vary. Some of us won’t bat an eyelid, proceeding to give vibrator recommendations or sharing links to the newest porn site. However, you can always spot the girl that’s uncomfortable as fuck with the conversation from the avoidance of eye contact, sudden interest in their phone or unsubtle attempts to change the subject...

In our younger years, as girls, it was generally an unspoken rule that any form of sexual activity that didn’t involve a boy was to never be spoken about or vehemently denied. I’m sure most of you remember that day in sex ed class where the grainy videos with awkward actors reached the episode on masturbation. I went to an all girls school, so while the part about male masturbation was met with a few snickers of laughter, as soon as the narrator mentioned female masturbation, an uncomfortable silence fell over the room. No one wanted to make a sound, for fear of being ‘found out’ (or maybe that was just me - but I know now the rest of them had to be hiding it too). As girls, we’ve been taught that pleasuring ourselves is A: Not something we should do and B: If you do do it, you damn sure don’t talk about it.

It’s such a ridiculous thought process, especially when boys are practically praised for beating their meat and it’s something that comes up in everyday dialogue for men. I’m very pleased that as a society, we are now much more open with talking about female pleasure however this freedom hasn’t quite gotten to everyone yet. There are still many women that are in the closet about their fapping activities - and some of them might even be your friends.

My girls and I were having a night out recently and as usual, the sex talk began. For the most part, we’re all very open with sharing tips and talking about ourselves in these situations so when the topic turned to masturbation, most of us excitedly opened up about the toys we used or our favourite ways to get off (if you’re not yet acquainted with your shower head, I suggest you put that on your to-do list). One of my friends, however, revealed that she had in fact never pleasured herself. Now, back in the day this scenario would have been flipped on it’s head. Most of the group would be decidedly tight-lipped on the matter and if one girl revealed that she was a masturbator, the shock, horror and judgement from the group would be enough to send the poor thing into hiding. Back in the present day of our convo though and that same shock and horror (no judgement cause we’re all trying to be better people) was aimed towards my non-masturbating pal.

We all plied her with tips and encouraged her to go home and give herself the O of her dreams. Most of us seemed excited that we’d uncovered such an unpolished gem, an opportunity for us to impart our wisdom and see her flower bloom. I’m not sure if she’s blossomed just yet but she said she’d keep us posted, so we’ll see.

I, for one, couldn’t imagine not being able to give myself pleasure when and if I want it. I would hate to have to rely on another person to do that for me when I have two perfectly working hands at my disposal. I absolutely believe that my somewhat early discovery of this helped me to understand what I liked sexually, long before I was active in that department. It also gave me the confidence to wait longer to become sexually active (or maybe I was just less horny as a result) but either way, I think that can only be a good thing. Although I’m somewhat of a late bloomer in the sex and relationship department I’m sure some of it is down to the fact that I could give myself a pretty bloody good orgasm so I wasn’t desperate to find a boy (or girl) to do it for me.

If you fall into the masturbation virgin category, I’ll share a few of those tried and tested tips to get you started on the road to successful self pleasure…

Get comfortable

Make sure the house is empty or that you’ve locked your door - you’ll never be able to relax if you’re worried that someone might walk in on you with your hands down your pants*.

*Don’t wear pants

Yeah, definitely remove all clothing below your belly button, or all of it if you like.

Start with your hands

Get to know your lady flower a bit, explore with your fingers (or even a mirror if you don’t know what she looks like) and find out which parts feel good when you touch them.

Find stimulating material

Sometimes, just your own thoughts of past saucy encounters or random things that turn you on are enough to get you going. If you’re finding it hard to get into the mood though, there’s always porn. If you’ve never watched, try it out and see if it’s something you’re into as it’s not for everybody (I personally would recommend lesbian porn as the straight stuff is a bit too staged and forceful for my liking). There are a ton of free websites available for your viewing pleasure (that I of course can’t link here) but I’d be happy to share them with you - just drop me a DM on Twitter or IG.

Relax, goddamit

The only way you’ll climax is if you chill out about the whole ‘I’m masturbating, omg!’ thing. If you’ve, to your knowledge, never had an orgasm before then once it starts to feel good, your body will tell you what to do to get there. If you’ve had an orgasm during intercourse but never on your own, then chances are you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how much easier and faster it happens without someone else in the room.

Upgrade your tools

You might feel like you need more than just your hands, which is why vibrators were invented. Take a trip to Ann Summers and get you a nice little machine that will do the job for you. It will probably be one of the best purchases you will ever make.


I honestly believe there are no disadvantages to masturbating. Being able to make yourself feel good with no risk of an STD, pregnancy or a broken heart can only be a good thing. Plus it’s very empowering as a woman to know how your body enjoys being touched. The release is also a very holistic way to lower your stress levels, increase your endorphins and partake in one of the finest forms of self care known to wo-mankind.

May is International Masturbation Month, so there’s never been a better time to go lock your bedroom door, settle in, and have an evening with yourself. Do you enjoy a bit of self-pleasure, or will you be trying it for the first time? Don’t be shy, let loose in the comments!